Love & Marriage — Part Two
Journal writings of Philip G. Roets
Added to "Love & Marriage" on Phil's 99th birthday, November 23, 2020
Here are attributes Phil Roets considered essential to a fulfilling marriage
- Marriage is a "work in progress" – growing and adjusting as needed.
- Establish patterns of non-verbal communications: a look, touch, eye contact.
- Routines and Division of Labor are important even though both can do the job.
- Marriage is sharing but not a "50-50" proposition. Give and take as needed.
- Role models in life and media provide examples of good/bad marriages.
- Essential qualities needed at all times: respect, trust, dependability.
- You are not perfect nor is your partner. Be honest about this.
- Love completes us.
Develop phrases to open discussion on a difficult topic:
- I hate to bring this up but it's bothering me.
- At the risk of alienating you further, I need to ask/say….
- When you're ready to discuss (topic) let me know. We need to talk.
- Sorry. I only meant to…..
- Are you silent because you are sad? Angry? Confused? What?
Verbal phrases used with sincerity:
- I'm sorry.
- Please.
- I need help.
- Thank you for….. (help, listening, patience, suggestions…..)
- When you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen.
- I'm withholding judgment and ask you to return the favor.
- We both did our best, and it didn't work. Now what do we do?
Please, write to your spouse: card, letter, notes – something to read and touch after your spouse dies. Death is built into the cycles of life.